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By Alan Young

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Literacy

Panel 1: Count von Count: “One!” 2: Camera zooms out to show the Wheel of Fortune set. The other two contestants are John Koenig and E.T. Count: “One letter! Ah Ah Ah! Two--” 3: Guy Smiley stands in front of the puzzle board with Blanche Devereaux in the back: “Count, that’s not the way this game is played. You’re supposed to pick a letter, not count the letters.” 4: Guy: “However, that is the correct answer to the puzzle!” The puzzle board shows “ONE ONE LETTER AH AH AH.” Guy: “You win ten dollars and an all-expenses-paid trip to the town of Eighty Four, Pennsylvania!” 5: Count: “Excellent! I can’t read words. Ah Ah Ah!”
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Published June 4, 2025
Categorized as Comics Tagged Blanche Devereaux, Count von Count, E.T., Golden Girls, Guy Smiley, John Koenig, Sesame Street, Space: 1999, Wheel of Fortune

Dark and Wordy

Content warning: Infanticide (whimsical) Location: Autobot base Panel 1: Whirl: “Hey, Lifeline. What do you think about killing baby Hitler?” Lifeline: “Oh, wow. That’s a complicated moral question, Whirl. Of course, murdering a baby is itself a heinous act. But what if you know the baby is destined to be evil? Does saving millions of lives justify ending one innocent life? There are endless repercussions to consider. No Hitler means no World War II, which means no baby boom. Countless lives would never exist. And it changed the face of geopolitics. The Earth would be very different. It’s a fascinating hypothetical with no clear answer.” Whirl: “It’s not hypothetical.” Lifeline: “Huh?” 2: Whirl: “Jigabutt here took me back in time to 1889.” Gigawatt: “He held a gun to my head.” Whirl: “Please. I held several guns to your head. And I squished that baby führer’s skull like a cherry tomato. Straight out of the womb. You should have seen the look on momma Hitler’s face.” Gigawatt: “Have you ever seen a human birth? It’s…gooey.” Lifeline: “That’s a joke, right? I know who Hitler is. If you had erased him from history, I wouldn’t know who he is.” 3: Gigawatt: “Time travel is infinitely complex. The results of a change in the past can manifest in different ways. In this case, killing such a historically significant figure created an alternate timeline. Our timeline remains unchanged. So we travelled forward to 2025 in the altered timeline. And you know what? It was better. Better than this. Sure, they have a lot of different problems. But overall? Less war. Less senseless killing. We only stayed for a few hours, but I think I’d rather live there. Even the Cybertronian war is somehow less intense. I brought some history books back through the space bridge so I can study the altered history.” 4: Whirl: “You hear that? Infanticide has no down side! Hey, that’s poetical.” Gigawatt: “Eh. You rhymed cide with side.” Lifeline: “I don’t think…I mean…just because this one… …” 5: Whirl: “C’mon, Jig. Let’s go find some more babies to murder.” Lifeline: “Just…Only historical monster babies, please!” Whirl: “Sure. Like Pol Pot. Or J.J. Abrams.” Gigawatt: “You don’t get the rank of captain right out of Starfleet Academy, J.J.”
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Published May 21, 2025
Categorized as Comics Tagged Gigawatt, Lifeline, Transformers, Whirl

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